You’re never going to be able to give yourself what you need if you feel crazy for what you desire. When life gives us a wake-up call, when something in our life demands change, it’s easy to feel like we’re the problem. People around us might make us feel crazy, too, because they benefit from us staying as we’ve always been and being complacent. Think about how many people benefit from you not having boundaries and not advocating for your needs. People who fear change won’t like it when you do change, but remember, you’re not crazy for pursuing a life that truly fulfills you.
Stop Suppressing Your True Desires; Love Your Needs
These needs, these desires—they’re not coming out of nowhere. They’ve been simmering under the surface for a long time, often numbed by various distractions like drugs, alcohol, shopping, or sleeping. Your life will profoundly change when you finally acknowledge these desires and decide to go after them.
I spent much of my life thinking something was deeply wrong with me. By my early 30s, my physical health crumbled to the point where I seriously doubted I’d live to see my 40s. Through an intense period of introspection, I discovered that under all the outward success, there was unhealed childhood trauma that left me feeling inadequate and crazy for wanting more from life.
Yet as I healed and started to give myself what I needed, my anxiety and depression dissipated. Though life isn’t linear and can throw curveballs, I’ve learned to trust myself and my abilities and believe I’ll be able to handle whatever comes my way. I like to say that now I feel as cool as a cucumber.
Your Life Will Keep Sending You Wake-Up Calls Until You Finally Listen
Eight years ago, my life delivered a jarring wake-up call. I was admitted to the hospital with chest pains and shortness of breath, and my blood pressure was 190/110. The doctors were afraid that I might have had a heart attack.
As I saw various specialists, from cardiologists to addiction experts, a neurologist finally pinpointed my ailment: plain old anxiety. While I immediately felt relief because I wasn’t dying from a terminal illness, it meant doing more of the same things (therapy, meditation, etc.), and those weren’t providing notable relief—yet.
Working with coaches and therapists, I learned the crucial need to change my life to support my needs. My anxiety and depression were signals that my life needed recalibration. Personal and professional relationships required changes, and I needed to articulate my needs vocally.
Going deeper, I realized my fear stemmed from childhood trauma—in the fifth grade, my friends abandoned me because I was gay. Keeping this pain inside, afraid to tell my parents or anyone else, I thought something was inherently wrong with me. This pattern of hiding my true self followed me into adulthood.
Setting Boundaries Improves Everything
Finally advocating for myself was one of the hardest lessons. It felt crazy to ask for things previously unspoken. Still, I persisted, and the personal fulfillment I once thought impossible began to materialize. I learned that setting boundaries, though challenging, is essential. They’re not a one-time event but a continuous process. Setting boundaries brings immediate relief by eliminating bad situations and fostering self-respect. Over time, continuously setting and refining these boundaries builds a muscle that profoundly transforms our lives.
Nothing is wrong with your needs—no one can dictate what is okay for you to want or require. If your career doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to change it. If a relationship doesn’t honor your boundaries, it’s okay to leave. You are not alone in making these changes. Professional support like therapists, coaches, or even a trusted friend can make all the difference. Journaling, too, can provide incredible clarity.
If these needs remain suppressed, you’ll either find yourself in a dire state, much like my hospital admission, or trapped in a life barely above rock bottom, never learning the value of your own personal fulfillment and alignment.
Our Needs Will Change
Remember, we grow through our needs changing. Some people will grow with us; others are with us for only a season or a reason. That’s perfectly okay. The key is advocating for yourself. No one else will come to our rescue; it’s our job to vocalize our needs.
Nothing is wrong with you. You’re not crazy for your needs. Embracing them can lead to a life filled with fulfillment, alignment, and abundance. Don’t stay in a place of discomfort for the sake of conformity. Grow, change, and live authentically.
Self-Advocacy for Overcoming Anxiety
Practicing self-advocacy is essential in overcoming anxiety. It’s about recognizing and expressing your needs, setting boundaries, and not being afraid to change your path if it doesn’t feel right. Embracing your true self and healing childhood trauma are crucial steps toward achieving personal fulfillment. Remember, seeking professional support and vocalizing your needs is okay. This journey is about finding alignment and abundance in your life.
