When I first heard, “Take responsibility for your life,” it made me angry.
Already, I was so hard on myself. Everything wrong with my life, I 1000% believed, was my fault. There wasn’t any more responsibility I thought I could possibly take—I was stuck.
Eventually, I learned that taking responsibility wasn’t just about owning up to the role we play in shaping our situations; it’s also about seizing the power to shape our lives into what we want them to be.
A few years back, I was talking to my therapist about a situation at work. Someone was asking me to do a project that unquestionably fell far outside our agreed scope of work, and I didn’t want to do it. I told my therapist, “If I say no, they’re going to yell, as they’ve done before, and I won’t be able to handle it.”
She said, “You’re an adult and have the power to say what you need and even walk away if someone disrespects your boundaries. You can even leave and never look back if that’s what you need. When we’re children, we don’t have those options, but now, it’s your responsibility to protect yourself.”
She and I practiced, and I agreed that if they yelled, I’d interject and tell them to stop, and if they didn’t, I’d hang up the phone and give them a day to cool down. It felt scary, but at the same time, it felt powerful, and I believed it would work.
The conversation happened, and I held strong and said no. I explained it wasn’t something I could do because it was beyond what we agreed to, that I’d already taken on more than I expected, and just couldn’t do anymore. They weren’t thrilled, but they didn’t yell or disrespect me.
While it’d be nice if everyone were kind, sometimes, people need to be taught what we will allow and what we won’t.
I’ve learned the only way to live a better life is to take responsibility for it and change what needs changing.
When we take responsibility for our lives, we take responsibility for the changes we desire, accept that things take time, and acknowledge that change won’t always be smooth sailing.
You start with recognizing your role in your current situation and acknowledging your agency in shaping a beautiful life—which, for me, took a lot of help and support to learn.
Sure, it’s not always easy, but life is all about choices. By refusing to play the victim and taking charge of our actions, we’re actively choosing to improve our lives. Cultivating a positive mindset and practicing mindfulness can help you on your journey.
So, start small. Those little choices pave the way for the bigger ones. And remember, you’ve got this.
Hope your week is going great, and reach out with any questions or comments!
