Embracing Uncertainty: Moving Beyond Worry
Worrying is a choice, albeit often an unconscious one. When faced with unsafe or uncertain situations, the instinct to worry can feel automatic. But let’s be clear—when we allocate our precious mental resources toward worrying, we’re essentially wasting them. These resources should instead be directed toward solving the problem at hand, securing our well-being, and achieving our goals. Here’s what to do with your energy instead.
From Worry to Wellness
I am currently in a transformative period, and over the past almost five years, I haven’t had to worry much. It’s been one of the most enjoyable, leisurely times of my life. However, this wasn’t always the case. About eight years ago, I started experiencing anxiety and burnout. It sent me on a path to uncover unprocessed and undiagnosed childhood trauma. For a few years, I was in and out of doctors’ offices and saw therapist after therapist. At my worst, I was afraid I might harm myself. My journey of healing began there, and it was tough but deeply educational.
A New Challenge
Recently, David and I embarked on a surrogacy journey, which, as some of you might know, is a hefty financial commitment—costing around a quarter million dollars. This significant investment has brought the temptation to fall back into my old habit of worrying, especially about finances.
I am a recovered worrier. Throughout my life, I worried about everything. My dad once told me, “Matt, you’re a worried kid.” From break-ins to the health of my caretakers, I’ve always been a worrier. Despite my healing journey teaching me not to worry about things outside my control, it’s a practice that requires constant reinforcement.
I’m also in a career transition, moving away from business consulting while going all-in on my coaching and mentoring high-performers. There are a lot of risks on the table, and it’s easy to go back to the familiar worrying of my past. But I remind myself daily that worrying is unproductive. Instead, I focus on what’s in my control and look to the many successes I’ve had. I’ve built a million-dollar business already, and I trust in my ability and that a beautiful life of service is ahead of me—helping high-achievers rebuild their lives for personal fulfillment and abundance.
Overcoming Worry
Just last night, watching TV with my David, a wave of worry unexpectedly washed over me. I felt nauseous and even had to sit up to calm my crawling skin. This rare occurrence led me to reassess our finances, which reassured us that we were okay. But it was an important reminder that even as a recovered worrier, the tendency can resurface during stressful transitions.
David and I have strategically prepared for this financial commitment. Even in the worst-case scenario, we have options. We might need to leave California for a less expensive living situation, but ultimately, we’re well-prepared, and such drastic measures are unlikely.
Control: Mindset and Health
During the moment of worry, my goal was to shift from helplessness to a problem-solving mindset. I needed to remind myself that I was safe and equipped with the skills to navigate any challenge. I am meticulous about my actions, from how I spend my time to what I eat. Healthy eating, for instance, helps my body handle stress more effectively.
Sharing this with you, I want you to see the possibility of transitioning from an overactive worrier to a decisive, action-oriented person. It requires time and perhaps help from friends, family, or professionals. High-achievers who are often plagued by worry and hypervigilance frequently have trauma that necessitates this constant state of alertness.
Focus on What You Can Control
Think about all the energy you’ve wasted worrying over the past month. How much of what you worried about actually came true? Almost none, I bet. When you allocate your resources instead to addressing what you can control, your life begins to change. You regain your confidence and a sense of peace.
Remaining positive and believing in yourself is transformative. I’ve moved from the depths of despair eight years ago to a space where I can confidently face unknowns. The key is to stop worrying about what you can’t control and focus on what you can.
Remember that worrying is unproductive. Put your energy into things you can change. Control your time, health, and relationships. By doing so, you can significantly reduce the amount of worry in your life and pave the way for a more fulfilling future and personal fulfillment.
Seek help if needed. It’s worth it. Your life can change for the better.
