Yes, you are allowed to feel that way. Let me be the first to tell you—your emotions are valid, no matter what they are. And you need to listen to your feelings. When someone hurts you or takes advantage of you, it’s okay to feel angry, sad, or even lost. We often numb our emotions with drugs, alcohol, or distractions like focusing intensely on our careers. But that’s not helping us; it’s harming us. It keeps us from knowing our truest selves and impacts our emotional health.
A Wake-Up Call
At 33 years old, I hit a wall. Diagnosed with high blood pressure and plagued by panic attacks, I found myself using drugs and alcohol to numb the emotions I didn’t know I was supposed to feel. I embarked on a healing journey and found deep unprocessed childhood trauma that decimated my confidence and self-worth.
I couldn’t set boundaries or advocate for myself because, deep down, I thought something was wrong with me for having emotions at all. Over time, I healed, built a million-dollar business, and learned to advocate for my worth. Setting boundaries changed everything, leading to a life of abundance, personal fulfillment, and alignment.
Listen to Your Feelings – The Power of Honest Self-Assessment
Everything changed when I began an honest assessment of my life. Where was I really? What were my true feelings? Many of us have been conditioned to adapt to situations and accept whatever comes our way. We’re grateful for breadcrumbs, thinking we’re not supposed to feel a certain way.
When my journey began, I talked to therapists, coaches, and anyone who would listen. Through these conversations, I found answers. By uncovering my past and my true feelings, I began to reshape my life. But none of this would have been possible without being brutally honest with myself.
Life Sends Wake-Up Calls
Life will nudge you until you listen. Oprah once said that life will keep bumping you until you pay attention. I ignored smaller wake-up calls until my panic attacks and high blood pressure forced me to face reality. In my twenties, my life was a blur of numbing behaviors. I used alcohol to fill a void, to connect with others, and to be the life of the party. But underneath, I always felt something was wrong with me.
Growing up, I was taught that, as a man, I shouldn’t have emotions. When my panic attacks started at 33, I had just launched a business out of scarcity, and life sent wake-up call after wake-up call. One of the pivotal moments was pacing around Madison Square Park, freezing, smoking countless cigarettes. It was in this state of utter despair that I realized something had to change.
Discovering Freedom and Healing
My healing journey really took off when I went on a yoga retreat in Bali. For the first time, I meditated, journaled, and began to pry open my heart. Working with therapists and coaches, I began to understand my traumatic childhood. For instance, in fifth grade, I lost all my friends because they sensed I was different—I’m a gay man. I feared castration and being sent to some camp if my parents found out.
It wasn’t until I was 39, while working with my writing coach, that I opened up about this trauma. It felt shameful, but sharing it was one of the proudest moments of my life. These events that caused me shame had been eating me alive. Nothing changes unless you admit how you feel and acknowledge your past.
The Importance of Honest Introspection
This is step one of my signature framework, “Rise to Your Worth.” It begins with an honest assessment of your current life. We often overlook our feelings because we think they invalidate someone else. But acknowledging your true state doesn’t diminish someone else—both can exist. Your job might be pleasant but the wrong fit. Your partner might be kind but unable to give you what you need.
How can you admit what you want if you can’t even be honest about your current state? Journaling, even just talking to yourself in the mirror, can help. Getting these thoughts and feelings out in the open is the first step to addressing them.
Everything starts with introspection. Look inward, and be honest about what’s bothering you and keeping you awake at night. It’s a tall order, and it’s okay to seek help. There are endless resources—podcasts, books, friends, and family. Never underestimate the value of talking things through with people who care about you.
The last thing is important—you shouldn’t chase every emotion. The key is to be honest with yourself about what’s truly going on inside, and listening to your emotions shows you what you need to change. Journaling, meditation, and honest conversations with your loved ones can help you excavate the truth and embark on a journey to a more fulfilled, abundant, and aligned life.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I’m here to help high-achievers just like you. Check out my free 6-step guide to creating your dream life.
