This week’s been off to a less-than-great start. Monday morning, while I was on my hike, someone texted me, trying to convince me to reprioritize my schedule to do something I didn’t want to (and had no obligation to), and it hurt my feelings because I care about her, but I thought it was insensitive. Then, as I was driving home, my car overheated (again).
I have a piece of writing that I was incredibly excited about sharing in this week’s blog. I had planned social media around it, but I also spent eight hours on Saturday working on it, and I thought it was perfect. More than that, it’s a piece that means so much to me, and I truthfully enjoyed spending my eight hours on it and was really excited to share it. But my writing coach spent some time with it, meditating on it, and provided some feedback, but advised me last night that it just wasn’t there—yet.
As I was crawling into bed at 7:45 p.m., I saw the email and thought about how I’d need to rejigger my following morning to write something new. I noticed myself crack a smile because it didn’t derail me, and before I knew it, my mind automatically thought about the positives: I have someone who cares so much about me and my writing that they don’t want me to put subpar work out into the world, especially work that means so much to me. Also, it meant that I had next week’s blog close to complete, and I had been thinking all day about ACCEPTANCE and just how much I’ve changed over the past few years, and the feedback gave me an opportunity to share it this week.
As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about how, not that long ago, something like this would have kept me from sleeping at all, and perhaps, in my passive-aggression, I’d have plopped myself down in front of the computer, hell-bent on fixing it, rather than ACCEPTING that the piece needed to sit for a couple of days before coming back to it.
This ACCEPTANCE ties a lot back to the trust I have gained in life and that things will always turn out okay, or at least how they’re supposed to.
There’s a quote that popped into my mind, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” I’ve learned to believe that sometimes, we don’t know why things happen but that they’re happening for a reason.
I realize that back when I was suffering from the worst anxiety and depression of my life, I never ACCEPTED anything and did not possess the wisdom to understand what was in my power to change and what wasn’t. And like Stoicism says, it was making me suffer.
I’m not entirely sure if some healing had to occur before I started learning to ACCEPT unfortunate circumstances, but I am certain that when I ACCEPT them, I don’t feel anxiety or depression anymore. Actually, yesterday, I didn’t even feel frustrated, which is a complete 180 from when I was crying to the tow truck driver six years ago.